Breast Reduction Surgery

I have debated about breast reduction surgery for years. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia which have given me years of pain in my arms, neck shoulders and upper back in varying degrees for years.I've also managed to gain thirty pounds in the last year due to a new medication for a new diagnosis (bi-polar) and of course, the breasts grew first. I woke up one day when I was a 36 D and my cup sizes only every went up to my 42DDD yesterday morning. When the swelling goes down, I should be a C cup. The doctor told my husband he took over a pound on each side. I can't imagine how cool it will be to buy cute colorful bras for the first time in my life.

This also is my incentive to lose 30 pounds in 6 months. I'd like to wear a modified bikini on South Beach next March on vacation--something I haven't done in at least 15 years. I can hardly keep awake right now with my pain meds, but I'll get there in a day or two!

I can't believe I have waited until I was 55 years old to have this done. I know the quality of my life would have been much improved--I can't to see what live has to hold for me now!

                                                                BEFORE....

Pain Sucks

Third day into a flare up of fibro and I'm ready to scream. We're leaving on vacation on Friday and I have SO much to do, yet I can't physically do it.

I didn't sleep well Sunday night (this is Tuesday). I was overtired and couldn't get my brain to go to sleep until well after midnight. Then my legs started hurting so bad that I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I got up and dosed with Advil and turned up my electric blanket, thinking the heat would help. You know that feeling your body has when you have the flu? That's how my legs felt, and each leg felt like it weighed five hundred pounds.

Monday I could hardly walk between mt legs aching and the pain in my hips and knees. Lately my knees feel cold all the time, so I rubbed Ben Gay into them to warm them up. I laid in bed with my lap desk and computer all day and at least got some writing work done. The pile of laundry in the corner tells me I really need to do laundry, but when my legs hurt this bad, I can't manage the stairs.

Last night I slept much better because I dosed with Advil before I went to sleep, and I slept well. My hips and knees still prevent me from doing the stairs, but at least I can be up and around.

Before the FDA decided it was in my best interest to take Darvocet off the market, it was my wonder drug. All other pain killers bother my stomach or give me horrible headaches, so it's me and Advil against the world.

My son asked me what my body felt like when I was having a fibro flare and I told him that it was like the combination of having the body aches of the flu with a feeling that you've worked out way too hard and too long at the gym.

Pain sucks. Not just fibro pain, but all pain.

Better and Better

The only two things I've changed have been diet and exercise, and I feel markedly better than two months ago. I stopped eating chips, all soda, cookies, candy and cakes and the scale moved a pound. I started taking vitamin C twice a day and Omega Oils 3-6-9 twice a day and I've lost another pound. I'm sleeping well and take a nap if I'm tired, and I try to do a few yoga poses to reduce stress.

Some things have happened in my life that has taken a great deal of stress away; I am seeing my grandchildren again, my finances have improved through no doing of my own, and I've been trying to make it to Church every Sunday. I think all of these things mixed together and made life easier and less painful for me. I suspect my prayers and those of my friends has helped a lot and I suspect that if I keep going to the gym and working my body it'll continue to help. I think of my friend, Emma, who is in such pain she can't even consider exercise, and I thank God I am able; and I pray that God will somehow make her able.

Lord in Heaven, please, for those with Fibro, give them bodies that allow them to exercise and give them the wisdom to do just that. Thank you for your blessings upon me; I can easily see how you've worked on mine. Amen.

Fibro Headaches

I've been very fortunate since the first of the year to actually feel good. With an additional diagnosis of Bipolar comes an additional medication (Seroquel) for the depression, which has had the effect of making me feel better physically. I love it when that happens. I've felt so good that I joined the local Y and have been working out at least twice a week, which probably has affected my physical well-being as well.

However, yesterday I did the grocery run and ran errands most of the day and by the end of the day I had a roaring fibro headache. It starts in the middle of my back, between my shoulder blades, works its way up into my neck and makes it feel as if those muscles are pulling back on every muscle in my head and face. It hurts to comb my hair, brush my teeth or yawn. Nothing touches it, since they took Darvocet off the market, so I am pretty powerless against it. I have some oxycodone that my doctor gave me, but it gives me a headache, so it's pretty silly to take something for a headache that gives you a headache. I do stretches and some yoga and get plenty of rest and make sure my neck stays warm--if a cold breeze hits my neck it feels like a dentist hitting a nerve, and I find that not an acceptable level of pain!

Rather than feel sorry for myself, I try to do things that make me feel good. This afternoon I'm going to work on a scrapbook for one of my granddaughter's birthdays. She'll be four next week, and although my daughter has cut off any contact between me and her three daughters, I have faith that someday the kids will be old enough to make up their own mind about seeing me. It's a very long story, but she's mad at me because I didn't include her when my brothers and I made the decision to put my mother in a nursing home. She has Alzheimers and we were getting very scared she was going to hurt herself, so we told her that the dirt basement in her home was causing her respiratory problems and she couldn't live there anymore. Turns out we weren't far off, as she hasn't needed her inhalers since she left! Anyway, my daughter is convinced that I'm so evil I shouldn't see her children. It's taken a long time but I have made peace with it. The Seroquel and a lot of prayer helped. I also have three other grandchildren that I do get to see, so all is not lost.

My afternoon will also include a nap under my electric blanket and quilt. I love warmth and weight when I sleep and I dearly love napping. I'm thinking about listing it on my resume because I do it so well. Thankfully I've cooked enough this week that we can have leftovers for dinner, so no cooking tonight! A hot shower and a therma-heat pad on my neck while I sleep will give me a good shot at not having as bad of a headache tomorrow.

Reviving a Blog

One of the first blogs I started was Living in a Fibrofog. Anyone who has fibromyalgia knows all about Fibrofog. It's an Alzheimer-type-emptiness-of-the-mind for anywhere from a moment to a day where you simply can not rely on what you thought you know, because right now, you can put a word or phrase to that thing you know. You can get lost on the road home; you can forget the way to the bathroom, and you can forget your dog's name. Yet, to others, I look just fine! I get in my car and drive off to do some shopping, but I may come home from a visit to the gym because that's where, when I got confused, I thought I ought to go, since my gym bag was in the car.

Fibromyalgia affects different people in different ways. Thanks to having insurance that pays for the meds I MUST take, good support and that I won my disability case years ago, I have little stress. Not everyone is so lucky. Take my friend, Emma Riley Sutton for example. She's suffering horribly because of her disabilities that keep her from doing so many things, but that she has not been able to win her disability case. PLEASE read her story at http://socialsecurityfight.blogspot.com/ and contribute if you can. She is a genuine, Christian mom who is desperate need.

I've avoided writing about Fibro because I have been trying to distance myself from it. My best buddy, through the past 8 years has been Darvocet and it's been taken off the market. I was so scared at the thought of having to let go of those big pink pills. What would I do to control my pain without access to Darvocet? Initially I decided I would just go with trading off Advil and Extra-strength Tylenol along with a heating pad. I tried Ocycontin but it gave me a horrible headache.  It was time to learn what I could do to help myself.

Part of my mindset of getting off 8 years of painpills was that I needed to take control of my life. I needed to stop thinking of what I couldn't do and what I could do. If I was going to hurt anyway, I would join a Y and use some of my muscles. I need to let go of "can't" and jump on things that say "I can". Two weeks in a gym have shown me that I can do a lot more than I thought I could.

I do feel better, although I haven't lost an ounce yet. My clothes fit looser and I can see my belly doesn't have as many rolls. I sleep better when I've gone to the gym. I wake up in the morning and my hips hurt. Normally I would go through my day walking funny and trying to work with hips that hurt. I go to the gym because I'm gonna have some amount of pain with or without the gym--why not burn off a few calories?''

If nothing else, walk slowly on the treadmill for as long as you can. Can you do a mile? Maybe the eliptical is more comfortable--can you do ten minutes? Does the gym have a pool? Go to a senior's water exercise class. Do what you can at first and don't push yourself, but give it a try.

I am feeling so much better since I started getting some exercise. Ask a gym if you can visit their gym a couple times free just to see what you can do. My outlook on everything is better and I know it's because I'm getting out among people and getting some good exercise.

Don't start on a day when you hurt so bad you can't stand to brush your hair because it hurts. Pick a day when you feel pretty good, don't carry a lot of high expectations and go give it a try!

The Long Road to SSDI

As I've probably written before, I used to be a productive employee. For years, my husband and I owned and ran an office equipment business; I was the office/human resources manager. We eventually were offered a deal too good to resist to sell the business to a Fortune 500 company, and were officially free to follow our dreams.

I had just finished a degree in Paralegal Studies when negotiations for selling our business began; I thought that my interest in the law, my love of research and my overall wonderful people skills would land me a great job in a law office, and it eventually did. I worked for a personal injury lawyer, and while I loved certain aspects of my job (my boss was great and once I learned the ropes I pretty much ran the case right up until settlement), I quickly grew tired of the deadbeats looking to make a fast buck. All in all, I really loved my job.

I had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 1992 and I was very fortunate that when we owned our company, I could keep a very flexible schedule and take off early, or work from home when I was having a rough time of it. I even had a sleeping bag and pillow in my office and there were many days when I would turn off my phone, turn off the lights and take an afternoon nap. Once I began working for someone else, however understanding he might be, that changed. I had a fairly long daily commute-45 minutes each way-and driving is one of my stressors. Once I got into a flare, it was almost impossible to get out. I was sleeping very poorly, driving, working, driving, sleeping very poorly... you get the idea. There were days when I would tell the secretary to call me on my cell phone and I would take my lunch hour sleeping in my car. I was exhausted and very depressed because I really didn't want to have to get done work, but it was becoming clear to me that my health was more important to me than my job.

I gave my notice on the last day of August; I would work another two weeks and then I would just let my body rest and recoup as much as it could. I ended up working an extra week, and cried all the way home on my last day; pain and frustration had such a grip on me. What would I do with myself, I wondered? I had claimed a nice paycheck of my own for many years and the prospect of having to rely on my husband for money felt pretty heavy on my heart.

I filed for SSDI (Social Security Disability), knowing full well I had the medical records to back up my claim, and I had my doctor's support, as well as a second opinion. I waited six months for the first rejection and filed an appeal. They sent me to a pshchologist who determined that I definately had depression and memory impairmant; six months later I was rejected again. At this point, I was "in for a dime, in for a dollar" as my grandmother used to say, and filed for a hearing. I waited four months and then was given a date eight months later. I decided that I should get an attorney, since by law an attorney can collect ONLY if you win, and I had absolutely nothing to lose.

My hearing date came and I went to virtual court. It was really strange; here I was talking to a judge on a big screen TV, an occupational therapist sat on one side of me and my lawyer on the other. The judge asked me a lot of questions and I answered them truthfully, and told him how much I hated to give up a job that I loved. He asked the OT if there were jobs that she felt I could do, and I gulped. Oh, oh; here it comes, I thought. I'm about to hear that I can be a ....

She simply said that given my pain level, my psychological limitations, my sleep deprivation and need for daily naps, there would be no jobs that she could recommend that I could do on a consistent basis. My lawyer gave a closing statement, and I thanked the judge.

He then did the unthinkable and issued a bench decision; he felt he had enough evidence that he could determine then and there that I should receive SSDI, and awarded it to me. I was completely shocked, as was my lawyer.

It took three months for me to get my first check, but it was a big one, because it was partially retroactive. To have my own money again was an amazing feeling. A lot of people had tried to discourage me from persuing my case after they turned my down the first two times, but I am so glad I listened to my instinct and followed through with it.

Now I write. I can keep my own schedule, get my daily nap and actually make a few extra dollars occasionally. No longer having to start my day in a rush to get to the office has helped immeasurably, as well as not having to commute.

As awful as fibromyalgia is, God has truly blessed me.

Hips and Grips

I honestly don't know if the pain in my left hip is from my mattress or my fibro; I'm leaning towards the bed, since the pain diminshes throughout the day. Why do GOOD mattresses have to be so expensive? We paid a lot of money for this mattress with a pillow top (don't do the pillow-top...waste of money!) and when I received my back pay from disability, I bought a memory foam topper. Don't really like it either. In the summer it holds heat like crazy and I feel like I'm sleeping in a "hot flash." We debated about one of those select air beds and I'd love to hear from you if you have one. They're outragiously expensive--are they worth it?

It's ironic that the most comfortable position for my hips is sitting in my writing chair. God's will perhaps.

My hands have been having problems gripping things, like unscrewing the cap from a water bottle. That can be a pain, since my husband also has bad wrists.

One of the things I have noticed is that if I bang one of my arms or wrists, the pain is multiplied about a zillion times and radiates all up and down the arm. Yesterday I banged my arm into the side of the counter and I thought I was going to pass out, yet it wasn't really a hard hit. There's hardly a bruise.

I have decided that I am going to have to get into better shape. Taking care of a 3 year old for three weeks demonstrated the poor shape I am in. She is going back to her parents today, so I can get into a routine. I want to drop 10 pounds, firm up my thighs and arms and get rid of my fat belly. I didn't get there overnight so I don't expect to lose it overnight; I'll be eating healthier, smaller portions, stay away from the ice cream, lift light weights and walk. I know I'll feel better.

How about you? What do you do to make yourself feel better? Are there certain exercises that help you? Have you lost weight without really going on a diet (I HATE that word)? I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for stopping by!
Linda