The Long Road to SSDI

As I've probably written before, I used to be a productive employee. For years, my husband and I owned and ran an office equipment business; I was the office/human resources manager. We eventually were offered a deal too good to resist to sell the business to a Fortune 500 company, and were officially free to follow our dreams.

I had just finished a degree in Paralegal Studies when negotiations for selling our business began; I thought that my interest in the law, my love of research and my overall wonderful people skills would land me a great job in a law office, and it eventually did. I worked for a personal injury lawyer, and while I loved certain aspects of my job (my boss was great and once I learned the ropes I pretty much ran the case right up until settlement), I quickly grew tired of the deadbeats looking to make a fast buck. All in all, I really loved my job.

I had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 1992 and I was very fortunate that when we owned our company, I could keep a very flexible schedule and take off early, or work from home when I was having a rough time of it. I even had a sleeping bag and pillow in my office and there were many days when I would turn off my phone, turn off the lights and take an afternoon nap. Once I began working for someone else, however understanding he might be, that changed. I had a fairly long daily commute-45 minutes each way-and driving is one of my stressors. Once I got into a flare, it was almost impossible to get out. I was sleeping very poorly, driving, working, driving, sleeping very poorly... you get the idea. There were days when I would tell the secretary to call me on my cell phone and I would take my lunch hour sleeping in my car. I was exhausted and very depressed because I really didn't want to have to get done work, but it was becoming clear to me that my health was more important to me than my job.

I gave my notice on the last day of August; I would work another two weeks and then I would just let my body rest and recoup as much as it could. I ended up working an extra week, and cried all the way home on my last day; pain and frustration had such a grip on me. What would I do with myself, I wondered? I had claimed a nice paycheck of my own for many years and the prospect of having to rely on my husband for money felt pretty heavy on my heart.

I filed for SSDI (Social Security Disability), knowing full well I had the medical records to back up my claim, and I had my doctor's support, as well as a second opinion. I waited six months for the first rejection and filed an appeal. They sent me to a pshchologist who determined that I definately had depression and memory impairmant; six months later I was rejected again. At this point, I was "in for a dime, in for a dollar" as my grandmother used to say, and filed for a hearing. I waited four months and then was given a date eight months later. I decided that I should get an attorney, since by law an attorney can collect ONLY if you win, and I had absolutely nothing to lose.

My hearing date came and I went to virtual court. It was really strange; here I was talking to a judge on a big screen TV, an occupational therapist sat on one side of me and my lawyer on the other. The judge asked me a lot of questions and I answered them truthfully, and told him how much I hated to give up a job that I loved. He asked the OT if there were jobs that she felt I could do, and I gulped. Oh, oh; here it comes, I thought. I'm about to hear that I can be a ....

She simply said that given my pain level, my psychological limitations, my sleep deprivation and need for daily naps, there would be no jobs that she could recommend that I could do on a consistent basis. My lawyer gave a closing statement, and I thanked the judge.

He then did the unthinkable and issued a bench decision; he felt he had enough evidence that he could determine then and there that I should receive SSDI, and awarded it to me. I was completely shocked, as was my lawyer.

It took three months for me to get my first check, but it was a big one, because it was partially retroactive. To have my own money again was an amazing feeling. A lot of people had tried to discourage me from persuing my case after they turned my down the first two times, but I am so glad I listened to my instinct and followed through with it.

Now I write. I can keep my own schedule, get my daily nap and actually make a few extra dollars occasionally. No longer having to start my day in a rush to get to the office has helped immeasurably, as well as not having to commute.

As awful as fibromyalgia is, God has truly blessed me.

Hips and Grips

I honestly don't know if the pain in my left hip is from my mattress or my fibro; I'm leaning towards the bed, since the pain diminshes throughout the day. Why do GOOD mattresses have to be so expensive? We paid a lot of money for this mattress with a pillow top (don't do the pillow-top...waste of money!) and when I received my back pay from disability, I bought a memory foam topper. Don't really like it either. In the summer it holds heat like crazy and I feel like I'm sleeping in a "hot flash." We debated about one of those select air beds and I'd love to hear from you if you have one. They're outragiously expensive--are they worth it?

It's ironic that the most comfortable position for my hips is sitting in my writing chair. God's will perhaps.

My hands have been having problems gripping things, like unscrewing the cap from a water bottle. That can be a pain, since my husband also has bad wrists.

One of the things I have noticed is that if I bang one of my arms or wrists, the pain is multiplied about a zillion times and radiates all up and down the arm. Yesterday I banged my arm into the side of the counter and I thought I was going to pass out, yet it wasn't really a hard hit. There's hardly a bruise.

I have decided that I am going to have to get into better shape. Taking care of a 3 year old for three weeks demonstrated the poor shape I am in. She is going back to her parents today, so I can get into a routine. I want to drop 10 pounds, firm up my thighs and arms and get rid of my fat belly. I didn't get there overnight so I don't expect to lose it overnight; I'll be eating healthier, smaller portions, stay away from the ice cream, lift light weights and walk. I know I'll feel better.

How about you? What do you do to make yourself feel better? Are there certain exercises that help you? Have you lost weight without really going on a diet (I HATE that word)? I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for stopping by!
Linda